Yesterday I had a bad day. I guess we all have bad days sometimes.
Some days, most days I feel like a superhero. That is, I feel like I can and I will do and take on anything I set my mind to. Then, I have one of those days that I feel like the bad guy came and took a super bulldozer and just whacked the crap out of me. And it feels like I can't even dare to take another step forward...that the universe is conspiring against me and there is no relief in sight.
Yesterday was one of those days.
Why do I share this when many of us have bad days on a regular basis? Just for that reason...as a reminder to all of us...that no matter if frequent or few and far between, it is ok to have a bad day...and we are not alone. Even superheroes have bad days!
What I realized about it, is that it is just what you do with it. I used to have a bad day and either two things would happen, I would wallow in it or stuff it and quickly find something to do to keep me busy so I could move on, yet never deal with the emotions or the issue and so it would always linger or come back to haunt me in an even bigger way at a later date.
First I let myself feel what I was feeling and sit with my feelings, cry, get angry, breathe, be sad, be angry, be mad, cry, breathe a little more and sit with all that I was feeling. I didn't wallow in it and beat myself up or tell myself I should get over it and shouldn't be crying. I just allowed myself to be with it, be with me and feel what I was feeling.
What a miracle that was and such a different way of experiencing a really hard day - almost a nurturing, not wallowing, way. I had moments when I could sit as though observing myself from above and just watch and allow everything to release - all the pent up frustration, fear, hurt, sadness and anger pour out of me. It was as though I could see it pour out of my spout, rather than bubble up and then get smushed back down. I could see the steam burning off. What a release...what a relief!
The funny thing was that as my mood escalated there was a massive storm that ensued - with major rain, thunder and lightening that lit up the sky. I felt like the heavens were raging with me, reminding me that I am not alone. It was comforting and soothing to remember that everybody has a bad day sometimes and I was not alone.
I then found myself, a few hours later when the amplified feelings subsided, and the thunderstorm ;), beginning to shift into solution mode. I kind of chuckled at myself as I observed this. Ok, so how do I shift out of this and turn yet another obstacle into an opportunity.
This is what I believe makes a superhero, a superhero. It isn't that they don't have fears and obstacles, it is just that they don't let them stop them from moving forward. It is just a temporary setback. What makes me human is to recognize and allow myself to take a little time to feel the pain and allow the healing to occur. While I had a ton of ideas come up and solutions pop in, and even some that I immediately acted upon, I decided to get a good night's sleep first and remember that tomorrow is another day. This is the balance between human and superhero, human and spiritual being - and it is a balance every day!
So I went to sleep, got some rest, and even reminded myself of all that I am grateful for and forgave myself.
Today is another day. Super P is ready to fly again. I hope your day is filled with joy, peace and gratitude. And if it isn't, it is ok too. Just take a deep breath, allow yourself to feel it, release it and just remember that tomorrow is another day.
Showing posts with label overcoming obstacles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label overcoming obstacles. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Super P's Rappel Against Cancer
Do not fear risk. All exploration, all growth is calculated. Without challenge people cannot reach their higher selves. Only if we are willing to walk over the edge can we become winners. ~ Unknown
On July 8, 2011, I rappelled a 31 story building in Denver, Colorado for the "Denver Over the Edge" (www.denverovertheedge.com/pilar_stella) to benefit the Colorado Cancer League (http://www.cancerleague.org/). What an amazing experience and a good reminder that risk is worth it!
I have a lot of fears in life. We all do! But let's face it the only way to get past our fears is to push through them. When we let our fears stop us, our worlds become smaller and smaller. I read a book called, "When Everything Changes, Change Everything," a while back that talked about the mechanism of the brain as it relates to this. When we have negative experiences or have been scared in our lives, our brain records this and for every new experience it then tries to relate to the database from our earlier life experiences. If we have a lot of negative experiences and fear, our mind reflects back on these experiences and associates any new even slightly similar experience to the old experience and tries to keep us safe and so we become more and more "safe" yet more fearful in life as we grow older.
To overcome this and keep our brains from "keeping us safe," yet limiting our future life experience is to break through our fears, and hence expand our bubble, not have it increasingly shrink over the course of our lifetime. Two ways can reverse this: one is to meditate which rewires pathways in the brain and the other is to not allowour fears to stop us, but rather to do things that expand our experience and replace old negative and fearful beliefs with new positive experiences.
My Rappel Against Cancer is an example of this. At a time in my life, when I have been out in front of investors and others, pitching my business and promoting something that I firmly and passionately believe can revolutionize business, social media, the internet, marketing and giving, was the perfect time to do this! Getting out and taking on a physical challenge to rewire my brain and institute some new muscle memory into my body to overcome some of my fears of heights, letting go and beliefs that "I can't do it," helped me to remember YES I CAN do it and any other challenge I put in front of myself.
This day was no different. I got to 1600 Glenarm, on the 16th Street Mall in Denver early to watch some other rappellers and meet my challenge. The first rappellers I saw were Batman and Robin. I knew I was in good company! Geared up in my Super P outfit...I knew I had big boots to fill. I also knew that I was up for the challenge!
I gathered a posse of Super P friends who joined me to watch from the street, a nearby bar or on the rooftop prior to the rappel. We sat around, laughed and watched the other rappellers while I waited for my friend Courtney to arrive.
I did a practice rappel 3 stories and remembered the feeling of rappeling off a rock. This wasn't much different...the first minute when you get up on the ledge and have to lean back before descending down the wall is the hardest. With a BIG smile on my face, I let go and leaned back. Breathing every move and step of the way, I began to rappell. I got to the bottom, still unafraid of the long rappell to come down the 31 stories.
I took the elevator back up and got ready to go. I got to the top of the building and a father and son went before me. We shared a couple of laughs, a couple of nervous giggles and then they were off. As I sat with myself beforehand, I realized the fear was actually small compared to the fears I have faced in my journey with OneGiving and my other life challenges I had faced before. It was a good reminder for me of how far I have come and to remember how much I can truly handle. I was really grateful and spent a moment to take it all in - the view of the surrounding Denver and Colorado mountains. Breathtaking!
Then I got harnessed in and hooked up, I stepped up to the ledge. At that moment, there was a flash of "Oh boy, what have I got myself into?" Then the camera woman said "Smile," so I did. With that I took a deep breath and leaned back...Ahhh, here comes Super P! I relaxed into it reminding myself to enjoy!
Wow, what a feeling! Rappeling down the building was much different than any rappel off a rock. I could feel the heat of the concrete building. The totally straight vertical was intense...I slowly descended trying to remind myself to breathe and take a moment every few steps to look around and enjoy this experience. So I did. I could feel my cape flapping in the wind. I could feel my core/abs shake, my arms tighten and release and my legs quiver slightly. I could feel everything. I felt alive! I had made the decision a few years back to really choose into life...and I realized I really was living!
I felt so grateful as I observed myself at moments almost as if outside my body and witnessing my mind shift from topic to topic, only to catch myself, take a deep breath and remind myself to take it all in. I could hear the passersby on the street whistling. I could hear the announcer egging on my cheering squad and then the cheers coming from above and below me.
I felt so supported, so loved, so grateful! As I got closer to the bottom, my legs no longer seemed to be able to grasp the building, a feeling I hadn't felt, but finally, I released and let go and just enjoyed the last little bit down the rope. I looked back to my friends and waved a BIG wave with a BIG smile.
As I arrived at the bottom, my friend Deb said look over here and SMILE...I turned as though nothing else in the world mattered and smiled the biggest smile I have smiled in a long time. This is life, this is love, this is living. I was and am so grateful! I was so in a state of excitement, I hardly noticed the HOT fireman who caught me at the bottom of my rappel...oops, oblivious!
I raised over $3,500 in donations for the rappel and the Cancer League...thanks to the love and support of the people in my life! Over 175 rappellers in two days raised over $250,000 for cancer research! What an amazing experience...and great reminder that it is in giving that we receive!
Thank you to the Colorado Cancer League and to all of the people who supported me and believed in me. Thank you for being there in my life each and every day to remind me of my greatness. I hope that I can reflect that back to you all and remind you that when we believe we can do something, anything is possible. Thank you.
in peace and love ;) pilar
On July 8, 2011, I rappelled a 31 story building in Denver, Colorado for the "Denver Over the Edge" (www.denverovertheedge.com/pilar_stella) to benefit the Colorado Cancer League (http://www.cancerleague.org/). What an amazing experience and a good reminder that risk is worth it!
I have a lot of fears in life. We all do! But let's face it the only way to get past our fears is to push through them. When we let our fears stop us, our worlds become smaller and smaller. I read a book called, "When Everything Changes, Change Everything," a while back that talked about the mechanism of the brain as it relates to this. When we have negative experiences or have been scared in our lives, our brain records this and for every new experience it then tries to relate to the database from our earlier life experiences. If we have a lot of negative experiences and fear, our mind reflects back on these experiences and associates any new even slightly similar experience to the old experience and tries to keep us safe and so we become more and more "safe" yet more fearful in life as we grow older.
To overcome this and keep our brains from "keeping us safe," yet limiting our future life experience is to break through our fears, and hence expand our bubble, not have it increasingly shrink over the course of our lifetime. Two ways can reverse this: one is to meditate which rewires pathways in the brain and the other is to not allowour fears to stop us, but rather to do things that expand our experience and replace old negative and fearful beliefs with new positive experiences.
My Rappel Against Cancer is an example of this. At a time in my life, when I have been out in front of investors and others, pitching my business and promoting something that I firmly and passionately believe can revolutionize business, social media, the internet, marketing and giving, was the perfect time to do this! Getting out and taking on a physical challenge to rewire my brain and institute some new muscle memory into my body to overcome some of my fears of heights, letting go and beliefs that "I can't do it," helped me to remember YES I CAN do it and any other challenge I put in front of myself.
This day was no different. I got to 1600 Glenarm, on the 16th Street Mall in Denver early to watch some other rappellers and meet my challenge. The first rappellers I saw were Batman and Robin. I knew I was in good company! Geared up in my Super P outfit...I knew I had big boots to fill. I also knew that I was up for the challenge!
I gathered a posse of Super P friends who joined me to watch from the street, a nearby bar or on the rooftop prior to the rappel. We sat around, laughed and watched the other rappellers while I waited for my friend Courtney to arrive.
I did a practice rappel 3 stories and remembered the feeling of rappeling off a rock. This wasn't much different...the first minute when you get up on the ledge and have to lean back before descending down the wall is the hardest. With a BIG smile on my face, I let go and leaned back. Breathing every move and step of the way, I began to rappell. I got to the bottom, still unafraid of the long rappell to come down the 31 stories.
I took the elevator back up and got ready to go. I got to the top of the building and a father and son went before me. We shared a couple of laughs, a couple of nervous giggles and then they were off. As I sat with myself beforehand, I realized the fear was actually small compared to the fears I have faced in my journey with OneGiving and my other life challenges I had faced before. It was a good reminder for me of how far I have come and to remember how much I can truly handle. I was really grateful and spent a moment to take it all in - the view of the surrounding Denver and Colorado mountains. Breathtaking!
Then I got harnessed in and hooked up, I stepped up to the ledge. At that moment, there was a flash of "Oh boy, what have I got myself into?" Then the camera woman said "Smile," so I did. With that I took a deep breath and leaned back...Ahhh, here comes Super P! I relaxed into it reminding myself to enjoy!
Wow, what a feeling! Rappeling down the building was much different than any rappel off a rock. I could feel the heat of the concrete building. The totally straight vertical was intense...I slowly descended trying to remind myself to breathe and take a moment every few steps to look around and enjoy this experience. So I did. I could feel my cape flapping in the wind. I could feel my core/abs shake, my arms tighten and release and my legs quiver slightly. I could feel everything. I felt alive! I had made the decision a few years back to really choose into life...and I realized I really was living!
I felt so grateful as I observed myself at moments almost as if outside my body and witnessing my mind shift from topic to topic, only to catch myself, take a deep breath and remind myself to take it all in. I could hear the passersby on the street whistling. I could hear the announcer egging on my cheering squad and then the cheers coming from above and below me.
I felt so supported, so loved, so grateful! As I got closer to the bottom, my legs no longer seemed to be able to grasp the building, a feeling I hadn't felt, but finally, I released and let go and just enjoyed the last little bit down the rope. I looked back to my friends and waved a BIG wave with a BIG smile.
As I arrived at the bottom, my friend Deb said look over here and SMILE...I turned as though nothing else in the world mattered and smiled the biggest smile I have smiled in a long time. This is life, this is love, this is living. I was and am so grateful! I was so in a state of excitement, I hardly noticed the HOT fireman who caught me at the bottom of my rappel...oops, oblivious!
I raised over $3,500 in donations for the rappel and the Cancer League...thanks to the love and support of the people in my life! Over 175 rappellers in two days raised over $250,000 for cancer research! What an amazing experience...and great reminder that it is in giving that we receive!
Thank you to the Colorado Cancer League and to all of the people who supported me and believed in me. Thank you for being there in my life each and every day to remind me of my greatness. I hope that I can reflect that back to you all and remind you that when we believe we can do something, anything is possible. Thank you.
in peace and love ;) pilar
Sunday, July 3, 2011
It Really Does Take a Village!
I am regularly reminded that it really does take a village! Most recently I was reminded of this by the outpouring of support that I have received from friends – near and far, old and new, and even from ones I haven’t met personally, yet have through, yep, you guessed it, none other than Facebook – for my Rappel against Cancer! I signed up to do this wild and crazy rappel “Denver Over the Edge” (http://www.denverovertheedge.com/) – off a 31 story building (1600 Glenarm) in Denver, CO on July 8, 2011 to benefit the Colorado Cancer League (www.cancerleague.org). This is the third annual but my first time - http://www.denverovertheedge.com/Pilar_Stella/!
I was inspired to do so for many reasons. First, in the last year, I have met a couple of people through my efforts to find investors for my company OneGiving (http://www.onegiving.com/) who had done the rappel in 2009 and 2010. When I heard about it in 2010, just a few weeks after the event, I thought to myself, I want to do that. One of the individuals I met who did it is a man named Shane Feiman who told me of his story of the rappel and how he did it together with his wife Amy. He is inspiring and has become an amazing friend and advocate in some of my own professional and personal journeys…he is doing it again this year - http://www.denverovertheedge.com/shane_feiman/.
A few months later I met a woman, Courtney Mizel - who had survived breast cancer and had done the event in 2010 after surviving cancer. She is a bright, passionate and spunky woman who reminded me a lot of myself and I instantly took a liking to her! During the first year of the event she was in cancer treatment, chemo, radiation and the rest of it and had a good friend of hers rappel in honor of her and the second year, last year, she did it with him together as a survivor! I was touched! She is doing it again this year - we are doing it together... http://www.denverovertheedge.com/Courtney_Mizel/!
A while later, both Shane and Courtney had told me I needed to meet a man named Gary that we would really hit it off. When I met with him, I realized that he was the guy who had rappelled in honor of Courtney the year in 2009 and with her in 2010. This year he is doing it again and http://www.denverovertheedge.com/gary_reece/ together with all of us. Gary is the President of the Cancer League, and his wife was the President before him. The Colorado Cancer League is a fully volunteer organization.
I feel so grateful to be able to participate in such an exciting adventure with people who have such depth of spirit, passion, purpose and compassion and live their lives to the fullest with respect for others and honoring themselves in each and every moment. I feel lucky and humbled to join them this year!
In addition to doing it because I was inspired by others, I decided to do it as a symbol and reminder to myself of all the fears, challenges – personal and professional, physical and mental –and obstacles that I have overcome in my journey. In my 20’s I over came many health scares – including early stage melanoma and cervical cancer – among other things.
For a period of time my health challenges got the best of my mental state of being. Until one day I woke up and realized that it was all in my attitude. I was feeling defeated and wondered if I really wanted to be living or not. It took me a while to choose in. But when I realized I did want to be here, I chose in – fully, wholly, completely! I decided to move forward in my life and take each breath deeply, each step passionately and appreciate each moment fully! I chose in fully to life.
Doing this rappel reminds me of all of the fears and obstacles I have overcome in the past few years and in my life as well in my move to California to go after my dreams and life purpose. I am dedicated to living with courage, not cowering in front of my fears, but rather standing up to them and overcoming them. This rappel represents what I have overcome with my health, in my life and with my most recent challenges tied to starting my company OneGiving and living a life of purpose, passion and authenticity. I know that whatever comes of it all, I will be ok, no matter what…because I have my positive attitude and an outlook on life that finds the opportunity in even the hardest challenges. I hope that others too may know that they can really do anything they put their minds too…it is just about standing up to our fears and the unknown, believing and having the courage to keep going forward!
Probably most of all, I am reminded by moments like these how it really does take a village! I am soo grateful for all the friends, loved ones and even new people in my life, who have stepped up to support me in my endeavor – with words of love, encouragement, donations and more! At a moment in my life, that I needed just another little umph or push of support – I received it in abundance. I am grateful for the angels who have showed up throughout my life at just the right moments! I would never be where I am or whom I am without those words of encouragement!
Thank you to all of you who sent donations large and small…and words of support and encouragement even if you couldn’t donate. It didn’t matter if I received just a note or a $1 donation – every little bit counts! Thank you for reminding me of the wisdom and truth of our OneGiving tag line – The Power of ONE has the Strength of Many! Remember that the next time you doubt for a minute that you are all alone…just reach out, look around and take time to support and cultivate your Village!
Many thanks to…Trish, Goodspeed & Merrill, Myrna, Ben, Ivana & Jon, Scott, Kim, Mariah, Debbie & Dave, Susan, Maryna, Tina, Cynthia, Francine, Faradee, Martin, Mark, Patrick, Melanie, Drew & Zach, Deb, John & Ashlee, Arthur, Jodi, Farzad & Parandis, Jack & The Jaffe Family Foundation, Terry, Phyllis, Leslie, Jennifer, Elisabeth & Jeff, Shane, Courtney, Gary, Kay, Sandi, George, Carrie, Naina, Ryan, Reshma, Francoise, George, Elizabeth, Baeth, Kerry…and so many more of you!
If anyone still wants to donate…you are more than welcome to go to: http://www.denverovertheedge.com/Pilar_Stella/! Let it inspire you and represent your commitment to fighting cancer and/or overcoming all of your fears and obstacles and living life to the fullest!
In peace, love and gratitude ;) p
I was inspired to do so for many reasons. First, in the last year, I have met a couple of people through my efforts to find investors for my company OneGiving (http://www.onegiving.com/) who had done the rappel in 2009 and 2010. When I heard about it in 2010, just a few weeks after the event, I thought to myself, I want to do that. One of the individuals I met who did it is a man named Shane Feiman who told me of his story of the rappel and how he did it together with his wife Amy. He is inspiring and has become an amazing friend and advocate in some of my own professional and personal journeys…he is doing it again this year - http://www.denverovertheedge.com/shane_feiman/.
A few months later I met a woman, Courtney Mizel - who had survived breast cancer and had done the event in 2010 after surviving cancer. She is a bright, passionate and spunky woman who reminded me a lot of myself and I instantly took a liking to her! During the first year of the event she was in cancer treatment, chemo, radiation and the rest of it and had a good friend of hers rappel in honor of her and the second year, last year, she did it with him together as a survivor! I was touched! She is doing it again this year - we are doing it together... http://www.denverovertheedge.com/Courtney_Mizel/!
A while later, both Shane and Courtney had told me I needed to meet a man named Gary that we would really hit it off. When I met with him, I realized that he was the guy who had rappelled in honor of Courtney the year in 2009 and with her in 2010. This year he is doing it again and http://www.denverovertheedge.com/gary_reece/ together with all of us. Gary is the President of the Cancer League, and his wife was the President before him. The Colorado Cancer League is a fully volunteer organization.
I feel so grateful to be able to participate in such an exciting adventure with people who have such depth of spirit, passion, purpose and compassion and live their lives to the fullest with respect for others and honoring themselves in each and every moment. I feel lucky and humbled to join them this year!
In addition to doing it because I was inspired by others, I decided to do it as a symbol and reminder to myself of all the fears, challenges – personal and professional, physical and mental –and obstacles that I have overcome in my journey. In my 20’s I over came many health scares – including early stage melanoma and cervical cancer – among other things.
For a period of time my health challenges got the best of my mental state of being. Until one day I woke up and realized that it was all in my attitude. I was feeling defeated and wondered if I really wanted to be living or not. It took me a while to choose in. But when I realized I did want to be here, I chose in – fully, wholly, completely! I decided to move forward in my life and take each breath deeply, each step passionately and appreciate each moment fully! I chose in fully to life.
Doing this rappel reminds me of all of the fears and obstacles I have overcome in the past few years and in my life as well in my move to California to go after my dreams and life purpose. I am dedicated to living with courage, not cowering in front of my fears, but rather standing up to them and overcoming them. This rappel represents what I have overcome with my health, in my life and with my most recent challenges tied to starting my company OneGiving and living a life of purpose, passion and authenticity. I know that whatever comes of it all, I will be ok, no matter what…because I have my positive attitude and an outlook on life that finds the opportunity in even the hardest challenges. I hope that others too may know that they can really do anything they put their minds too…it is just about standing up to our fears and the unknown, believing and having the courage to keep going forward!
Probably most of all, I am reminded by moments like these how it really does take a village! I am soo grateful for all the friends, loved ones and even new people in my life, who have stepped up to support me in my endeavor – with words of love, encouragement, donations and more! At a moment in my life, that I needed just another little umph or push of support – I received it in abundance. I am grateful for the angels who have showed up throughout my life at just the right moments! I would never be where I am or whom I am without those words of encouragement!
Thank you to all of you who sent donations large and small…and words of support and encouragement even if you couldn’t donate. It didn’t matter if I received just a note or a $1 donation – every little bit counts! Thank you for reminding me of the wisdom and truth of our OneGiving tag line – The Power of ONE has the Strength of Many! Remember that the next time you doubt for a minute that you are all alone…just reach out, look around and take time to support and cultivate your Village!
Many thanks to…Trish, Goodspeed & Merrill, Myrna, Ben, Ivana & Jon, Scott, Kim, Mariah, Debbie & Dave, Susan, Maryna, Tina, Cynthia, Francine, Faradee, Martin, Mark, Patrick, Melanie, Drew & Zach, Deb, John & Ashlee, Arthur, Jodi, Farzad & Parandis, Jack & The Jaffe Family Foundation, Terry, Phyllis, Leslie, Jennifer, Elisabeth & Jeff, Shane, Courtney, Gary, Kay, Sandi, George, Carrie, Naina, Ryan, Reshma, Francoise, George, Elizabeth, Baeth, Kerry…and so many more of you!
If anyone still wants to donate…you are more than welcome to go to: http://www.denverovertheedge.com/Pilar_Stella/! Let it inspire you and represent your commitment to fighting cancer and/or overcoming all of your fears and obstacles and living life to the fullest!
In peace, love and gratitude ;) p
Saturday, August 28, 2010
You Don't Know What You Don't Know
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. ~ Mark Twain
It is funny because I actually think that sometimes it is what you don't know that gets you into trouble. I recently started noticing how what we know or don't know can actually set us up for failed expectations, miscommunication or learning and growing in ways we never could have deemed possible.
The first scenario is: You don't know what you don't know. That is, that when people don't know something they often assume that something is bad or isn't possible.
I have been experiencing and watching this a lot lately. Starting my own company is one example. As I have gone all over and talked to many different people about what we are creating, I notice that everyone either a) tries to fit it into a framework that they understand (and then hence, they aren't actually capturing the true essence of the innovation we are creating) or b) look at me incomprehensibly as though to let me know that what I am creating isn't possible.
I have also witnessed that if people don't know and are faced with the unknown, they are often pushed to their limits of what their experiential minds can comprehend. When this happens
they often turn what they don't know into something bad or they immediately go to... oh, well this isn't possible. It is a funny trick the mind can play on us and it limits us to believe that if we don't understand or don't know how, then it isn't possible.
Rather, I would suggest that at exactly the moment that we hit this point of the unknown we force ourselves to recognize it and dare to ask ourselves, ok, this isn't something impossible, it is just something I don't know. In that moment, if we can push ourselves beyond to say, just because I don't know it, doesn't mean it is bad or I won't do it or I don't know how. Instead, what if in that moment, we pushed beyond our limits to forge into the unknown. Sometimes we may do this by ourselves and other times we may reach out to others and ask for support, because sometimes our unknowns are not the same limits as others and we may become instrumental to each other in breaking through any fear or doubt in overcoming the unknown.
Another scenario is: You don't realize that what you know, others don't know. This one has come back to bite me a lot in my life and to teach me some truly valuable lessons.
We all come knowing, sensing and perceiving things in different ways. We all come from different backgrounds, different families, different societies and so on. We all have strengths in certain areas and weaknesses in others. I used to think that everyone knew what I knew and had the same gifts that I had. It lead me to a lot of unintended frustration and miscommunication. When I worked with clients, I would see things in certain ways. I was often told I could see things at a global level and then take that down to the detail. For a long time, I didn't realize that this was something unique to me. So when I worked with others, I thought they could see what I saw. But when I'd get into meetings and they wouldn't get it, or they would get frustrated because I jumped from one thing to the next, I never fully realized that perhaps they weren't seeing the same thing that I saw, which lead to my own frustration.
For a long time, this lead to my own "shrinking." That is, when you have enough experiences where people don't get you, you start to think, well what is wrong with me. I know for several years, my confidence significantly dropped as I felt like no one really got me, so I must be wrong or must be misperceiving things. It took me several years to realize that actually what I was perceiving was right, for me. I began to get a whole new understanding of assessing what I know and don't know and what others know and putting that into perspective when I work with, relate to and interact with others. It also gave me a whole new sense of empathy and understanding for others. I started to drop my expectations of others, because I realized that expectations were merely my perceptions and perspectives given my own unique lens of how things should be and didn't in any way take into account others views. So I began to let go of what I thought and have really begun to listen, learn from and empathize with others.
This brings up my final scenario that: Others know what you don't know. That is, because we each have our own unique perspectives, limits, boundaries, fears and also knowledge, gifts and expertise, we all have so much to learn from each other, if we are open to and allow it!
It is when we open up to allowing for different perspectives and valuing each other, but also valuing ourselves and our uniqueness and authenticity in the process, it allows for a whole new world of possibility to open up...to overcome our fears, to surpass our limitations and hurdle our obstacles; to look to, listen and learn from others; and to trust our own inner guidance and share our gifts with others.
This is the magic of our unique existence and our connected co-existence with each other!
You can find me at www.facebook.com/pilarstella and www.facebook.com/pilarstella1 and twitter @pilarstella.
It is funny because I actually think that sometimes it is what you don't know that gets you into trouble. I recently started noticing how what we know or don't know can actually set us up for failed expectations, miscommunication or learning and growing in ways we never could have deemed possible.
The first scenario is: You don't know what you don't know. That is, that when people don't know something they often assume that something is bad or isn't possible.
I have been experiencing and watching this a lot lately. Starting my own company is one example. As I have gone all over and talked to many different people about what we are creating, I notice that everyone either a) tries to fit it into a framework that they understand (and then hence, they aren't actually capturing the true essence of the innovation we are creating) or b) look at me incomprehensibly as though to let me know that what I am creating isn't possible.
I have also witnessed that if people don't know and are faced with the unknown, they are often pushed to their limits of what their experiential minds can comprehend. When this happens
they often turn what they don't know into something bad or they immediately go to... oh, well this isn't possible. It is a funny trick the mind can play on us and it limits us to believe that if we don't understand or don't know how, then it isn't possible.
Rather, I would suggest that at exactly the moment that we hit this point of the unknown we force ourselves to recognize it and dare to ask ourselves, ok, this isn't something impossible, it is just something I don't know. In that moment, if we can push ourselves beyond to say, just because I don't know it, doesn't mean it is bad or I won't do it or I don't know how. Instead, what if in that moment, we pushed beyond our limits to forge into the unknown. Sometimes we may do this by ourselves and other times we may reach out to others and ask for support, because sometimes our unknowns are not the same limits as others and we may become instrumental to each other in breaking through any fear or doubt in overcoming the unknown.
Another scenario is: You don't realize that what you know, others don't know. This one has come back to bite me a lot in my life and to teach me some truly valuable lessons.
We all come knowing, sensing and perceiving things in different ways. We all come from different backgrounds, different families, different societies and so on. We all have strengths in certain areas and weaknesses in others. I used to think that everyone knew what I knew and had the same gifts that I had. It lead me to a lot of unintended frustration and miscommunication. When I worked with clients, I would see things in certain ways. I was often told I could see things at a global level and then take that down to the detail. For a long time, I didn't realize that this was something unique to me. So when I worked with others, I thought they could see what I saw. But when I'd get into meetings and they wouldn't get it, or they would get frustrated because I jumped from one thing to the next, I never fully realized that perhaps they weren't seeing the same thing that I saw, which lead to my own frustration.
For a long time, this lead to my own "shrinking." That is, when you have enough experiences where people don't get you, you start to think, well what is wrong with me. I know for several years, my confidence significantly dropped as I felt like no one really got me, so I must be wrong or must be misperceiving things. It took me several years to realize that actually what I was perceiving was right, for me. I began to get a whole new understanding of assessing what I know and don't know and what others know and putting that into perspective when I work with, relate to and interact with others. It also gave me a whole new sense of empathy and understanding for others. I started to drop my expectations of others, because I realized that expectations were merely my perceptions and perspectives given my own unique lens of how things should be and didn't in any way take into account others views. So I began to let go of what I thought and have really begun to listen, learn from and empathize with others.
This brings up my final scenario that: Others know what you don't know. That is, because we each have our own unique perspectives, limits, boundaries, fears and also knowledge, gifts and expertise, we all have so much to learn from each other, if we are open to and allow it!
It is when we open up to allowing for different perspectives and valuing each other, but also valuing ourselves and our uniqueness and authenticity in the process, it allows for a whole new world of possibility to open up...to overcome our fears, to surpass our limitations and hurdle our obstacles; to look to, listen and learn from others; and to trust our own inner guidance and share our gifts with others.
This is the magic of our unique existence and our connected co-existence with each other!
You can find me at www.facebook.com/pilarstella and www.facebook.com/pilarstella1 and twitter @pilarstella.
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