I was recently sitting with two of my women friends talking about men, women and relationships. I mentioned an article by Arjuna Ardagh that creates the analogy between a woman and a temple with concentric circles. The more you are devoted to the temple, the deeper into the center of the concentric circles you may go. That is, if you are just visiting the temple once, you are allowed to enter the outer circle/room only. But as you spend more time devoted to the practice and worship, little by little, access to the inner most circles become granted.
Arjuna talked about how this is no different for women. The more you worship and honor a woman, little by little, more access to her inner most secrets, beauty, grace and intimacy is granted, sometimes, most of the time even, she doesn’t even consciously know what will unlock those doors. (I also wrote a blog further on the subject as I was so moved, Hopefully Romantic).
This got us talking about the keys to the castle. So what are the keys that open up the door to the castle of a woman’s heart, trust, love and beyond? We got down to something that is so simple and yet it is so elusive. Finding a partner who studies us, who watches when and how we shut down and learns to see the signals and see the warning signs and embraces us any way. Someone who doesn’t shut down or walk away when we shut down. Someone who doesn’t drive off when we are frustrated and throwing oranges at them. But rather someone who embraces ALL of us – our flaws and our imperfections as much as our strengths and our glory.
A man recently said to me and a friend as we were discussing this exact subject, “It is about authenticity not perfection.” He said he would rather have an authentic partner than one who is trying to be perfect. That when we are throwing a fit, early on, learns how to shut down or even in the future, prevent it from ever happening. This doesn’t mean being a doormat. It means being observant enough to learn and truly study and know us, or worship as Arjuna says.
The true keys to the castle aren’t lavishing us with things or taking us to fancy places or introducing us to important people or showing off certain skills. Rather, they are taking the time to know who we are, where we came from, why we act and react in certain ways.
You can find me at www.facebook.com/pilarstella and www.facebook.com/pilarstella1 and twitter @pilarstella.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Surfing: A Great Metaphor for Life!
As we enter the fall, and conclude the summer season, we may find some lessons from this summer that may inform us as we move forward. For me, what better place than starting with surfing. Surfing is a great metaphor for life. I have done many different sports. I have been an athlete my whole life - from swimming to lacrosse to gymnastics to soccer to tennis to cycling to triathlons to track and field to skiing to mountaineering to rock climbing and beyond. Yet, none have translated more to my life than surfing.
Many of you know my passion and excitement for surfing. It has been a transformative force in my life since I moved to LA three years ago (can you believe it?)! When I got here, I knew I wanted to learn how to surf. I heard about several surf programs like Youth Mentoring Connection (www.youthmentoring.org) and Stoked (www.stoked.org) that took at risk youth to the beach to learn to surf. That was it - a perfect combination of my passions - giving back, youth, the beach and, hopefully soon, surfing! I attended one event my first summer and decided to come back out the following summer. I "co-taught" the youth to surf and learned in the process - what could be better. It wasn't until fall of last year 2010 that I became hooked and officially bought a board, wetsuit and became a "real surfer."
It has been in these last nine months of surfing that I have learned so much from surfing that has helped me grow in my personal, professional and spiritual life. Here are a few lessons that I have learned from surfing that can be translated to life.
1.Every time you fall down, get back up. There is no other sport I have done that you fall off EVERY time and have to get back up to go again. What an incredible reminder for life. So many of us are trained to be afraid of trying things because we are afraid to fail. Yet with surfing, it is expected that you will fall off over and over again. Very quickly it teaches us to try things and be ok with risk and failure. It becomes second nature and teaches us that failure leads to learning and opportunity which then leads to improvement and success.
2.Patience pays. How many times in life do you want things to happen now and on your time and they don't? The waves are no different. There is nothing like sitting out on the water on a day when the waves and sets have a mind of their own and decide to come on their own time. You can get upset and frustrated that they aren't coming or you can accept it and look around, enjoy the scenery, breathe, feel the wind in your hair, the sunrise or sunset, the people chatting and laughing around you and fully take in the moment. Exercising a little patience goes a long way in life, as well as surfing.
3.Be present. Surfing forces us to be present in the here and now. If you get ahead of yourself and think about the last wave or what you need to do for the upcoming wave, it can throw you off from being able to respond to the changes with each wave because every wave is different. By staying very present in each moment, you are able to adapt and adjust your paddle, pop up, stance or otherwise to make magic happen. This is no different than life. When we are really present to what is right now and not what was or what will be, we begin to enjoy the journey and find the miracles in every moment.
4.Persistence and perseverance pave the way. Taking that extra paddle and making that extra effort paves the way for that pay off of the wave you catch. If you fail once, fail twice, fail thrice, try, try again and keep at it. Your effort will pay off. In life, if you take that extra step and persist and persevere, you can't fail. You may "fail" but what you gain in experience, opportunity and learning will put you ahead of the curve the next time you get out there. So don't give up, keep going until your effort paves the way for more joy, success and excitement.
5.Ego is no amigo. This one I credit to one of my dear surfer sisters. Just like in life, you can come to anything with your heart open or you can come with an ego. In the end, which will make you happier and which will get you where you are going faster? One of the most famous surf quotes is, "The best surfer is the one having the most fun." Then for sure I am the best surfer as I am constantly laughing, giggling, singing and enjoying the waves. Imagine if more people could approach their lives and work with a little more heart and a little less ego? Imagine the world we would live in.
6.Your mind creates your reality. Our attitudes shape our reality. If you think you can't, you won't. If you think you can, you will. It is that simple. In surfing, if you get in the water and think you can't handle this or you are not going to have fun or if you are paddling for a wave and think, "I am not going to get this," you won't. It is that simple. In life it is no different. If we act as if and even continually repeat to ourselves, I can do this, I will have fun or whatever positive affirmation can replace a negative, over time it will stick and will become our realities. It just starts with the right positive mental attitude.
7.Choose love over fear. Fear is a state of mind. We all have fears in life and surfing. It is what we do with that fear that is most important. In surfing, if we see a wave or a break or a set that we are afraid of, do we shrink in the face of our fears or do we face them and allow ourselves to stretch, grow and expand beyond. We each have a bubble that makes up our life experience and over time we can expand the bubble (and the fears within it) or we can allow them to contract and constrict, and ultimately imprison ourselves from our own making. Every time we stretch and choose love, we are choosing to overcome our fears. We break the patterning that holds us back and we free ourselves more and more each time. When we lean into love, we reinforce a pattern of trust and faith that further enables us to overcome future fears.
8.One as a part of a whole. The ocean consists of many waves and one wave, while singular, is part of the greater whole. We as human beings are no different. We each have our own unique characteristics, passions and fears. Yet the actions that we each make have an impact, or ripple effect, on others. With surfing you have to be present and stay focused on yourself and your wave, yet you also have to have an awareness of the others in the water. So is the case in life, while we may focus on our own needs, we must also pay attention to the ramifications for others and the planet at large and be considerate and compassionate of the whole.
These are just a few of the lessons from surfing that translate to life. Surfing brings out your true essence and authenticity. It is as though it requires us to rekindle that inner light, that inner child and shine it bright and share it with others to radiate out in the world and remind others to do the same. As I say to many people I know, "Surfing is the new golf." Really surfing is much more than that and has been a gift in my life to rekindle my own inner child, inner giggler and inner guru. How might these lessons translate in your own life?
Many of you know my passion and excitement for surfing. It has been a transformative force in my life since I moved to LA three years ago (can you believe it?)! When I got here, I knew I wanted to learn how to surf. I heard about several surf programs like Youth Mentoring Connection (www.youthmentoring.org) and Stoked (www.stoked.org) that took at risk youth to the beach to learn to surf. That was it - a perfect combination of my passions - giving back, youth, the beach and, hopefully soon, surfing! I attended one event my first summer and decided to come back out the following summer. I "co-taught" the youth to surf and learned in the process - what could be better. It wasn't until fall of last year 2010 that I became hooked and officially bought a board, wetsuit and became a "real surfer."
It has been in these last nine months of surfing that I have learned so much from surfing that has helped me grow in my personal, professional and spiritual life. Here are a few lessons that I have learned from surfing that can be translated to life.
1.Every time you fall down, get back up. There is no other sport I have done that you fall off EVERY time and have to get back up to go again. What an incredible reminder for life. So many of us are trained to be afraid of trying things because we are afraid to fail. Yet with surfing, it is expected that you will fall off over and over again. Very quickly it teaches us to try things and be ok with risk and failure. It becomes second nature and teaches us that failure leads to learning and opportunity which then leads to improvement and success.
2.Patience pays. How many times in life do you want things to happen now and on your time and they don't? The waves are no different. There is nothing like sitting out on the water on a day when the waves and sets have a mind of their own and decide to come on their own time. You can get upset and frustrated that they aren't coming or you can accept it and look around, enjoy the scenery, breathe, feel the wind in your hair, the sunrise or sunset, the people chatting and laughing around you and fully take in the moment. Exercising a little patience goes a long way in life, as well as surfing.
3.Be present. Surfing forces us to be present in the here and now. If you get ahead of yourself and think about the last wave or what you need to do for the upcoming wave, it can throw you off from being able to respond to the changes with each wave because every wave is different. By staying very present in each moment, you are able to adapt and adjust your paddle, pop up, stance or otherwise to make magic happen. This is no different than life. When we are really present to what is right now and not what was or what will be, we begin to enjoy the journey and find the miracles in every moment.
4.Persistence and perseverance pave the way. Taking that extra paddle and making that extra effort paves the way for that pay off of the wave you catch. If you fail once, fail twice, fail thrice, try, try again and keep at it. Your effort will pay off. In life, if you take that extra step and persist and persevere, you can't fail. You may "fail" but what you gain in experience, opportunity and learning will put you ahead of the curve the next time you get out there. So don't give up, keep going until your effort paves the way for more joy, success and excitement.
5.Ego is no amigo. This one I credit to one of my dear surfer sisters. Just like in life, you can come to anything with your heart open or you can come with an ego. In the end, which will make you happier and which will get you where you are going faster? One of the most famous surf quotes is, "The best surfer is the one having the most fun." Then for sure I am the best surfer as I am constantly laughing, giggling, singing and enjoying the waves. Imagine if more people could approach their lives and work with a little more heart and a little less ego? Imagine the world we would live in.
6.Your mind creates your reality. Our attitudes shape our reality. If you think you can't, you won't. If you think you can, you will. It is that simple. In surfing, if you get in the water and think you can't handle this or you are not going to have fun or if you are paddling for a wave and think, "I am not going to get this," you won't. It is that simple. In life it is no different. If we act as if and even continually repeat to ourselves, I can do this, I will have fun or whatever positive affirmation can replace a negative, over time it will stick and will become our realities. It just starts with the right positive mental attitude.
7.Choose love over fear. Fear is a state of mind. We all have fears in life and surfing. It is what we do with that fear that is most important. In surfing, if we see a wave or a break or a set that we are afraid of, do we shrink in the face of our fears or do we face them and allow ourselves to stretch, grow and expand beyond. We each have a bubble that makes up our life experience and over time we can expand the bubble (and the fears within it) or we can allow them to contract and constrict, and ultimately imprison ourselves from our own making. Every time we stretch and choose love, we are choosing to overcome our fears. We break the patterning that holds us back and we free ourselves more and more each time. When we lean into love, we reinforce a pattern of trust and faith that further enables us to overcome future fears.
8.One as a part of a whole. The ocean consists of many waves and one wave, while singular, is part of the greater whole. We as human beings are no different. We each have our own unique characteristics, passions and fears. Yet the actions that we each make have an impact, or ripple effect, on others. With surfing you have to be present and stay focused on yourself and your wave, yet you also have to have an awareness of the others in the water. So is the case in life, while we may focus on our own needs, we must also pay attention to the ramifications for others and the planet at large and be considerate and compassionate of the whole.
These are just a few of the lessons from surfing that translate to life. Surfing brings out your true essence and authenticity. It is as though it requires us to rekindle that inner light, that inner child and shine it bright and share it with others to radiate out in the world and remind others to do the same. As I say to many people I know, "Surfing is the new golf." Really surfing is much more than that and has been a gift in my life to rekindle my own inner child, inner giggler and inner guru. How might these lessons translate in your own life?
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
A Look at Giving in 2011: Part 2 of 3 in a series…Giving Strategically!
As I mentioned in my past blog, Part 1 in the series...
http://pilarstella.blogspot.com/2011/02/look-at-giving-in-2011-everybodys.html
...we still have a long way to go in philanthropy!
It is really exciting that everybody is giving. That is where change begins. But after having worked in strategic philanthropy for nearly 15 years and across sectors for social, economic, education and health reform, the pattern is a familiar one.
When companies, individuals, celebrities, media, foundations or nonprofits get into giving – they start off in what is considered charitable giving. This is more feel good giving. This is a good place to begin – it feels good and it is doing good that wouldn’t have been done otherwise.
However, just as if you were to invest your money, you wouldn’t just hand it off to your friend and say go invest my millions, you’d hand it to a seasoned investment expert (at least most people would). The same needs to happen in giving - donors working with giving experts to create more strategic, impactful and leveraged giving. While giving feels different than investing because we all want to give and it feels good to give, we want to give thoughtfully so that our dollars actually make a significant impact.
Therefore, before starting our own nonprofit or giving to a nonprofit, it is good for us to do our homework. Find out what else is going on in the same giving space. If we are interested in nonprofits serving children in Los Angeles or the environment in Latin America or human trafficking in Asia, we need to learn what else is out there and build upon what is there, not duplicate. It can be helpful to find out what nonprofits are already serving that need, what foundations are funding those target causes and regions, what celebrities and corporations are backing those causes. You get the idea.
You also want to have a sense for what you want to support. For example do you want to support direct services - like education for youth in an orphanage or health services for malaria or HIV/AIDS or for homeless people or do you want to deal with advocacy efforts to raise awareness and address systemic issues underlying those direct services – like changing health policy or economic development issues or education? And then you want to think about do you want to volunteer, do you want to give money for general operating or specific services, programs or wishes of an organization?
Just as you would invest your money for a return on investment with your investment portfolio, with your donations you are investing your money to have an impact, leave a legacy, get the most return on perhaps not profit – but definitely people and the planet. That is, when you donate, you want to consider how your donation to have the most bang for the buck and the most social and/or environmental impact.
What people sometimes don’t realize as they get into the world of giving and become humanitarians and philanthropists themselves, is that how you give can sometimes be as important as what or whom you give to. Finding resources, tools and experts to support you in your efforts is a critical consideration to maximize your impact and the legacy you leave behind!
MORE ON THIS IN FUTURE BLOGS…CHECK BACK… ;) p
http://pilarstella.blogspot.com/2011/02/look-at-giving-in-2011-everybodys.html
...we still have a long way to go in philanthropy!
It is really exciting that everybody is giving. That is where change begins. But after having worked in strategic philanthropy for nearly 15 years and across sectors for social, economic, education and health reform, the pattern is a familiar one.
When companies, individuals, celebrities, media, foundations or nonprofits get into giving – they start off in what is considered charitable giving. This is more feel good giving. This is a good place to begin – it feels good and it is doing good that wouldn’t have been done otherwise.
However, just as if you were to invest your money, you wouldn’t just hand it off to your friend and say go invest my millions, you’d hand it to a seasoned investment expert (at least most people would). The same needs to happen in giving - donors working with giving experts to create more strategic, impactful and leveraged giving. While giving feels different than investing because we all want to give and it feels good to give, we want to give thoughtfully so that our dollars actually make a significant impact.
Therefore, before starting our own nonprofit or giving to a nonprofit, it is good for us to do our homework. Find out what else is going on in the same giving space. If we are interested in nonprofits serving children in Los Angeles or the environment in Latin America or human trafficking in Asia, we need to learn what else is out there and build upon what is there, not duplicate. It can be helpful to find out what nonprofits are already serving that need, what foundations are funding those target causes and regions, what celebrities and corporations are backing those causes. You get the idea.
You also want to have a sense for what you want to support. For example do you want to support direct services - like education for youth in an orphanage or health services for malaria or HIV/AIDS or for homeless people or do you want to deal with advocacy efforts to raise awareness and address systemic issues underlying those direct services – like changing health policy or economic development issues or education? And then you want to think about do you want to volunteer, do you want to give money for general operating or specific services, programs or wishes of an organization?
Just as you would invest your money for a return on investment with your investment portfolio, with your donations you are investing your money to have an impact, leave a legacy, get the most return on perhaps not profit – but definitely people and the planet. That is, when you donate, you want to consider how your donation to have the most bang for the buck and the most social and/or environmental impact.
What people sometimes don’t realize as they get into the world of giving and become humanitarians and philanthropists themselves, is that how you give can sometimes be as important as what or whom you give to. Finding resources, tools and experts to support you in your efforts is a critical consideration to maximize your impact and the legacy you leave behind!
MORE ON THIS IN FUTURE BLOGS…CHECK BACK… ;) p
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Stay in Your Breath
To fly, we have to have resistance. ~Maya Lin
I got this quote in my inbox this morning from the daily reminders from http://www.completebalance.com/. Seems like such a good reminder and so timely too! The last couple of days I have been fluctuating between being in a total state of grace as though I am being craddled in divine hands and being in complete and utter resistance. At some moments it is as though I am a space ship is breaking through the atmosphere and the space ship is shaking violently as though it might not make it through.
I am watching friends, loved ones and the people around me go through it too. Some are falling apart and allowing fear to overcome them. I am getting it more and more every day. So when I feel the resistance, I remember to stay in my breath. I was reminded of that recently by a dear friend. It was a good reminder.
We really all are meant to fly, to find and live our life's purpose and there will be resistance at moments along that path. I am learning what faith truly is and how staying in my breath, staying in love and staying VERY PRESENT helps keep moving me forward. I am bearing witness to people around me who are close to a desired dream or vision and right before it manifests, they pull out. The pressure gets too much, the resistance too strong and they forget to breathe, they begin to crack.
It isn't the easiest of journeys to stay on the path of our dreams and to walk in faith. I have my moments. Lately I feel like I am being tested, "Is this really what you want?" and so I walk on. The resistance and obstacles sometimes seem like too much, seem overwhelming at moments...like in my last blog post. But I am learning to walk in faith and walk in grace more and more every day.
I recently had a day that felt like complete perfection. It was one of those clear days in my spirit that just reminded me that I will be ok and I was given several reminders to keep going. It felt really good. I felt really good.
The next day resistance hit. I had a ton of fear pour in. I kept reminding myself to be present, to stay in my breath and allow the resistance, almost flow with it. I also needed to remember to quiet my mind a bit - meditate, surf or just sit and be present with all that I was thinking and feeling.
I had something come up that I was not expecting, that I did not feel ready for and yet it felt so comfortable, right and safe. I know how I felt and yet my mind went a chattering! You aren't ready, take it slow, but holy moly you haven't felt like this in a while, get out, breathe, it is going to be ok, you are going to be ok, just stay in your breath, don't get ahead of yourself, run, resist, joy, peace, breathe.
I imagine you can relate...I think we have all had those kind of moments! Anyway, I realized that resistance is good, it is just what we do with it. It serves as a reminder that we are growing and pushing up against something that we need to work through or overcome to grow. So I keep breathing and reminding myself, "This is good. Keep going. You are on the right track." I am remembering to be present and I know I will get through this too. So I might as well enjoy it while I do!
May you allow the resistance to flow through you and remember to breathe. This too shall pass.
I got this quote in my inbox this morning from the daily reminders from http://www.completebalance.com/. Seems like such a good reminder and so timely too! The last couple of days I have been fluctuating between being in a total state of grace as though I am being craddled in divine hands and being in complete and utter resistance. At some moments it is as though I am a space ship is breaking through the atmosphere and the space ship is shaking violently as though it might not make it through.
I am watching friends, loved ones and the people around me go through it too. Some are falling apart and allowing fear to overcome them. I am getting it more and more every day. So when I feel the resistance, I remember to stay in my breath. I was reminded of that recently by a dear friend. It was a good reminder.
We really all are meant to fly, to find and live our life's purpose and there will be resistance at moments along that path. I am learning what faith truly is and how staying in my breath, staying in love and staying VERY PRESENT helps keep moving me forward. I am bearing witness to people around me who are close to a desired dream or vision and right before it manifests, they pull out. The pressure gets too much, the resistance too strong and they forget to breathe, they begin to crack.
It isn't the easiest of journeys to stay on the path of our dreams and to walk in faith. I have my moments. Lately I feel like I am being tested, "Is this really what you want?" and so I walk on. The resistance and obstacles sometimes seem like too much, seem overwhelming at moments...like in my last blog post. But I am learning to walk in faith and walk in grace more and more every day.
I recently had a day that felt like complete perfection. It was one of those clear days in my spirit that just reminded me that I will be ok and I was given several reminders to keep going. It felt really good. I felt really good.
The next day resistance hit. I had a ton of fear pour in. I kept reminding myself to be present, to stay in my breath and allow the resistance, almost flow with it. I also needed to remember to quiet my mind a bit - meditate, surf or just sit and be present with all that I was thinking and feeling.
I had something come up that I was not expecting, that I did not feel ready for and yet it felt so comfortable, right and safe. I know how I felt and yet my mind went a chattering! You aren't ready, take it slow, but holy moly you haven't felt like this in a while, get out, breathe, it is going to be ok, you are going to be ok, just stay in your breath, don't get ahead of yourself, run, resist, joy, peace, breathe.
I imagine you can relate...I think we have all had those kind of moments! Anyway, I realized that resistance is good, it is just what we do with it. It serves as a reminder that we are growing and pushing up against something that we need to work through or overcome to grow. So I keep breathing and reminding myself, "This is good. Keep going. You are on the right track." I am remembering to be present and I know I will get through this too. So I might as well enjoy it while I do!
May you allow the resistance to flow through you and remember to breathe. This too shall pass.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Even Superheroes Have Bad Days
Yesterday I had a bad day. I guess we all have bad days sometimes.
Some days, most days I feel like a superhero. That is, I feel like I can and I will do and take on anything I set my mind to. Then, I have one of those days that I feel like the bad guy came and took a super bulldozer and just whacked the crap out of me. And it feels like I can't even dare to take another step forward...that the universe is conspiring against me and there is no relief in sight.
Yesterday was one of those days.
Why do I share this when many of us have bad days on a regular basis? Just for that reason...as a reminder to all of us...that no matter if frequent or few and far between, it is ok to have a bad day...and we are not alone. Even superheroes have bad days!
What I realized about it, is that it is just what you do with it. I used to have a bad day and either two things would happen, I would wallow in it or stuff it and quickly find something to do to keep me busy so I could move on, yet never deal with the emotions or the issue and so it would always linger or come back to haunt me in an even bigger way at a later date.
First I let myself feel what I was feeling and sit with my feelings, cry, get angry, breathe, be sad, be angry, be mad, cry, breathe a little more and sit with all that I was feeling. I didn't wallow in it and beat myself up or tell myself I should get over it and shouldn't be crying. I just allowed myself to be with it, be with me and feel what I was feeling.
What a miracle that was and such a different way of experiencing a really hard day - almost a nurturing, not wallowing, way. I had moments when I could sit as though observing myself from above and just watch and allow everything to release - all the pent up frustration, fear, hurt, sadness and anger pour out of me. It was as though I could see it pour out of my spout, rather than bubble up and then get smushed back down. I could see the steam burning off. What a release...what a relief!
The funny thing was that as my mood escalated there was a massive storm that ensued - with major rain, thunder and lightening that lit up the sky. I felt like the heavens were raging with me, reminding me that I am not alone. It was comforting and soothing to remember that everybody has a bad day sometimes and I was not alone.
I then found myself, a few hours later when the amplified feelings subsided, and the thunderstorm ;), beginning to shift into solution mode. I kind of chuckled at myself as I observed this. Ok, so how do I shift out of this and turn yet another obstacle into an opportunity.
This is what I believe makes a superhero, a superhero. It isn't that they don't have fears and obstacles, it is just that they don't let them stop them from moving forward. It is just a temporary setback. What makes me human is to recognize and allow myself to take a little time to feel the pain and allow the healing to occur. While I had a ton of ideas come up and solutions pop in, and even some that I immediately acted upon, I decided to get a good night's sleep first and remember that tomorrow is another day. This is the balance between human and superhero, human and spiritual being - and it is a balance every day!
So I went to sleep, got some rest, and even reminded myself of all that I am grateful for and forgave myself.
Today is another day. Super P is ready to fly again. I hope your day is filled with joy, peace and gratitude. And if it isn't, it is ok too. Just take a deep breath, allow yourself to feel it, release it and just remember that tomorrow is another day.
Some days, most days I feel like a superhero. That is, I feel like I can and I will do and take on anything I set my mind to. Then, I have one of those days that I feel like the bad guy came and took a super bulldozer and just whacked the crap out of me. And it feels like I can't even dare to take another step forward...that the universe is conspiring against me and there is no relief in sight.
Yesterday was one of those days.
Why do I share this when many of us have bad days on a regular basis? Just for that reason...as a reminder to all of us...that no matter if frequent or few and far between, it is ok to have a bad day...and we are not alone. Even superheroes have bad days!
What I realized about it, is that it is just what you do with it. I used to have a bad day and either two things would happen, I would wallow in it or stuff it and quickly find something to do to keep me busy so I could move on, yet never deal with the emotions or the issue and so it would always linger or come back to haunt me in an even bigger way at a later date.
First I let myself feel what I was feeling and sit with my feelings, cry, get angry, breathe, be sad, be angry, be mad, cry, breathe a little more and sit with all that I was feeling. I didn't wallow in it and beat myself up or tell myself I should get over it and shouldn't be crying. I just allowed myself to be with it, be with me and feel what I was feeling.
What a miracle that was and such a different way of experiencing a really hard day - almost a nurturing, not wallowing, way. I had moments when I could sit as though observing myself from above and just watch and allow everything to release - all the pent up frustration, fear, hurt, sadness and anger pour out of me. It was as though I could see it pour out of my spout, rather than bubble up and then get smushed back down. I could see the steam burning off. What a release...what a relief!
The funny thing was that as my mood escalated there was a massive storm that ensued - with major rain, thunder and lightening that lit up the sky. I felt like the heavens were raging with me, reminding me that I am not alone. It was comforting and soothing to remember that everybody has a bad day sometimes and I was not alone.
I then found myself, a few hours later when the amplified feelings subsided, and the thunderstorm ;), beginning to shift into solution mode. I kind of chuckled at myself as I observed this. Ok, so how do I shift out of this and turn yet another obstacle into an opportunity.
This is what I believe makes a superhero, a superhero. It isn't that they don't have fears and obstacles, it is just that they don't let them stop them from moving forward. It is just a temporary setback. What makes me human is to recognize and allow myself to take a little time to feel the pain and allow the healing to occur. While I had a ton of ideas come up and solutions pop in, and even some that I immediately acted upon, I decided to get a good night's sleep first and remember that tomorrow is another day. This is the balance between human and superhero, human and spiritual being - and it is a balance every day!
So I went to sleep, got some rest, and even reminded myself of all that I am grateful for and forgave myself.
Today is another day. Super P is ready to fly again. I hope your day is filled with joy, peace and gratitude. And if it isn't, it is ok too. Just take a deep breath, allow yourself to feel it, release it and just remember that tomorrow is another day.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Super P's Rappel Against Cancer
Do not fear risk. All exploration, all growth is calculated. Without challenge people cannot reach their higher selves. Only if we are willing to walk over the edge can we become winners. ~ Unknown
On July 8, 2011, I rappelled a 31 story building in Denver, Colorado for the "Denver Over the Edge" (www.denverovertheedge.com/pilar_stella) to benefit the Colorado Cancer League (http://www.cancerleague.org/). What an amazing experience and a good reminder that risk is worth it!
I have a lot of fears in life. We all do! But let's face it the only way to get past our fears is to push through them. When we let our fears stop us, our worlds become smaller and smaller. I read a book called, "When Everything Changes, Change Everything," a while back that talked about the mechanism of the brain as it relates to this. When we have negative experiences or have been scared in our lives, our brain records this and for every new experience it then tries to relate to the database from our earlier life experiences. If we have a lot of negative experiences and fear, our mind reflects back on these experiences and associates any new even slightly similar experience to the old experience and tries to keep us safe and so we become more and more "safe" yet more fearful in life as we grow older.
To overcome this and keep our brains from "keeping us safe," yet limiting our future life experience is to break through our fears, and hence expand our bubble, not have it increasingly shrink over the course of our lifetime. Two ways can reverse this: one is to meditate which rewires pathways in the brain and the other is to not allowour fears to stop us, but rather to do things that expand our experience and replace old negative and fearful beliefs with new positive experiences.
My Rappel Against Cancer is an example of this. At a time in my life, when I have been out in front of investors and others, pitching my business and promoting something that I firmly and passionately believe can revolutionize business, social media, the internet, marketing and giving, was the perfect time to do this! Getting out and taking on a physical challenge to rewire my brain and institute some new muscle memory into my body to overcome some of my fears of heights, letting go and beliefs that "I can't do it," helped me to remember YES I CAN do it and any other challenge I put in front of myself.
This day was no different. I got to 1600 Glenarm, on the 16th Street Mall in Denver early to watch some other rappellers and meet my challenge. The first rappellers I saw were Batman and Robin. I knew I was in good company! Geared up in my Super P outfit...I knew I had big boots to fill. I also knew that I was up for the challenge!
I gathered a posse of Super P friends who joined me to watch from the street, a nearby bar or on the rooftop prior to the rappel. We sat around, laughed and watched the other rappellers while I waited for my friend Courtney to arrive.
I did a practice rappel 3 stories and remembered the feeling of rappeling off a rock. This wasn't much different...the first minute when you get up on the ledge and have to lean back before descending down the wall is the hardest. With a BIG smile on my face, I let go and leaned back. Breathing every move and step of the way, I began to rappell. I got to the bottom, still unafraid of the long rappell to come down the 31 stories.
I took the elevator back up and got ready to go. I got to the top of the building and a father and son went before me. We shared a couple of laughs, a couple of nervous giggles and then they were off. As I sat with myself beforehand, I realized the fear was actually small compared to the fears I have faced in my journey with OneGiving and my other life challenges I had faced before. It was a good reminder for me of how far I have come and to remember how much I can truly handle. I was really grateful and spent a moment to take it all in - the view of the surrounding Denver and Colorado mountains. Breathtaking!
Then I got harnessed in and hooked up, I stepped up to the ledge. At that moment, there was a flash of "Oh boy, what have I got myself into?" Then the camera woman said "Smile," so I did. With that I took a deep breath and leaned back...Ahhh, here comes Super P! I relaxed into it reminding myself to enjoy!
Wow, what a feeling! Rappeling down the building was much different than any rappel off a rock. I could feel the heat of the concrete building. The totally straight vertical was intense...I slowly descended trying to remind myself to breathe and take a moment every few steps to look around and enjoy this experience. So I did. I could feel my cape flapping in the wind. I could feel my core/abs shake, my arms tighten and release and my legs quiver slightly. I could feel everything. I felt alive! I had made the decision a few years back to really choose into life...and I realized I really was living!
I felt so grateful as I observed myself at moments almost as if outside my body and witnessing my mind shift from topic to topic, only to catch myself, take a deep breath and remind myself to take it all in. I could hear the passersby on the street whistling. I could hear the announcer egging on my cheering squad and then the cheers coming from above and below me.
I felt so supported, so loved, so grateful! As I got closer to the bottom, my legs no longer seemed to be able to grasp the building, a feeling I hadn't felt, but finally, I released and let go and just enjoyed the last little bit down the rope. I looked back to my friends and waved a BIG wave with a BIG smile.
As I arrived at the bottom, my friend Deb said look over here and SMILE...I turned as though nothing else in the world mattered and smiled the biggest smile I have smiled in a long time. This is life, this is love, this is living. I was and am so grateful! I was so in a state of excitement, I hardly noticed the HOT fireman who caught me at the bottom of my rappel...oops, oblivious!
I raised over $3,500 in donations for the rappel and the Cancer League...thanks to the love and support of the people in my life! Over 175 rappellers in two days raised over $250,000 for cancer research! What an amazing experience...and great reminder that it is in giving that we receive!
Thank you to the Colorado Cancer League and to all of the people who supported me and believed in me. Thank you for being there in my life each and every day to remind me of my greatness. I hope that I can reflect that back to you all and remind you that when we believe we can do something, anything is possible. Thank you.
in peace and love ;) pilar
On July 8, 2011, I rappelled a 31 story building in Denver, Colorado for the "Denver Over the Edge" (www.denverovertheedge.com/pilar_stella) to benefit the Colorado Cancer League (http://www.cancerleague.org/). What an amazing experience and a good reminder that risk is worth it!
I have a lot of fears in life. We all do! But let's face it the only way to get past our fears is to push through them. When we let our fears stop us, our worlds become smaller and smaller. I read a book called, "When Everything Changes, Change Everything," a while back that talked about the mechanism of the brain as it relates to this. When we have negative experiences or have been scared in our lives, our brain records this and for every new experience it then tries to relate to the database from our earlier life experiences. If we have a lot of negative experiences and fear, our mind reflects back on these experiences and associates any new even slightly similar experience to the old experience and tries to keep us safe and so we become more and more "safe" yet more fearful in life as we grow older.
To overcome this and keep our brains from "keeping us safe," yet limiting our future life experience is to break through our fears, and hence expand our bubble, not have it increasingly shrink over the course of our lifetime. Two ways can reverse this: one is to meditate which rewires pathways in the brain and the other is to not allowour fears to stop us, but rather to do things that expand our experience and replace old negative and fearful beliefs with new positive experiences.
My Rappel Against Cancer is an example of this. At a time in my life, when I have been out in front of investors and others, pitching my business and promoting something that I firmly and passionately believe can revolutionize business, social media, the internet, marketing and giving, was the perfect time to do this! Getting out and taking on a physical challenge to rewire my brain and institute some new muscle memory into my body to overcome some of my fears of heights, letting go and beliefs that "I can't do it," helped me to remember YES I CAN do it and any other challenge I put in front of myself.
This day was no different. I got to 1600 Glenarm, on the 16th Street Mall in Denver early to watch some other rappellers and meet my challenge. The first rappellers I saw were Batman and Robin. I knew I was in good company! Geared up in my Super P outfit...I knew I had big boots to fill. I also knew that I was up for the challenge!
I gathered a posse of Super P friends who joined me to watch from the street, a nearby bar or on the rooftop prior to the rappel. We sat around, laughed and watched the other rappellers while I waited for my friend Courtney to arrive.
I did a practice rappel 3 stories and remembered the feeling of rappeling off a rock. This wasn't much different...the first minute when you get up on the ledge and have to lean back before descending down the wall is the hardest. With a BIG smile on my face, I let go and leaned back. Breathing every move and step of the way, I began to rappell. I got to the bottom, still unafraid of the long rappell to come down the 31 stories.
I took the elevator back up and got ready to go. I got to the top of the building and a father and son went before me. We shared a couple of laughs, a couple of nervous giggles and then they were off. As I sat with myself beforehand, I realized the fear was actually small compared to the fears I have faced in my journey with OneGiving and my other life challenges I had faced before. It was a good reminder for me of how far I have come and to remember how much I can truly handle. I was really grateful and spent a moment to take it all in - the view of the surrounding Denver and Colorado mountains. Breathtaking!
Then I got harnessed in and hooked up, I stepped up to the ledge. At that moment, there was a flash of "Oh boy, what have I got myself into?" Then the camera woman said "Smile," so I did. With that I took a deep breath and leaned back...Ahhh, here comes Super P! I relaxed into it reminding myself to enjoy!
Wow, what a feeling! Rappeling down the building was much different than any rappel off a rock. I could feel the heat of the concrete building. The totally straight vertical was intense...I slowly descended trying to remind myself to breathe and take a moment every few steps to look around and enjoy this experience. So I did. I could feel my cape flapping in the wind. I could feel my core/abs shake, my arms tighten and release and my legs quiver slightly. I could feel everything. I felt alive! I had made the decision a few years back to really choose into life...and I realized I really was living!
I felt so grateful as I observed myself at moments almost as if outside my body and witnessing my mind shift from topic to topic, only to catch myself, take a deep breath and remind myself to take it all in. I could hear the passersby on the street whistling. I could hear the announcer egging on my cheering squad and then the cheers coming from above and below me.
I felt so supported, so loved, so grateful! As I got closer to the bottom, my legs no longer seemed to be able to grasp the building, a feeling I hadn't felt, but finally, I released and let go and just enjoyed the last little bit down the rope. I looked back to my friends and waved a BIG wave with a BIG smile.
As I arrived at the bottom, my friend Deb said look over here and SMILE...I turned as though nothing else in the world mattered and smiled the biggest smile I have smiled in a long time. This is life, this is love, this is living. I was and am so grateful! I was so in a state of excitement, I hardly noticed the HOT fireman who caught me at the bottom of my rappel...oops, oblivious!
I raised over $3,500 in donations for the rappel and the Cancer League...thanks to the love and support of the people in my life! Over 175 rappellers in two days raised over $250,000 for cancer research! What an amazing experience...and great reminder that it is in giving that we receive!
Thank you to the Colorado Cancer League and to all of the people who supported me and believed in me. Thank you for being there in my life each and every day to remind me of my greatness. I hope that I can reflect that back to you all and remind you that when we believe we can do something, anything is possible. Thank you.
in peace and love ;) pilar
Sunday, July 3, 2011
It Really Does Take a Village!
I am regularly reminded that it really does take a village! Most recently I was reminded of this by the outpouring of support that I have received from friends – near and far, old and new, and even from ones I haven’t met personally, yet have through, yep, you guessed it, none other than Facebook – for my Rappel against Cancer! I signed up to do this wild and crazy rappel “Denver Over the Edge” (http://www.denverovertheedge.com/) – off a 31 story building (1600 Glenarm) in Denver, CO on July 8, 2011 to benefit the Colorado Cancer League (www.cancerleague.org). This is the third annual but my first time - http://www.denverovertheedge.com/Pilar_Stella/!
I was inspired to do so for many reasons. First, in the last year, I have met a couple of people through my efforts to find investors for my company OneGiving (http://www.onegiving.com/) who had done the rappel in 2009 and 2010. When I heard about it in 2010, just a few weeks after the event, I thought to myself, I want to do that. One of the individuals I met who did it is a man named Shane Feiman who told me of his story of the rappel and how he did it together with his wife Amy. He is inspiring and has become an amazing friend and advocate in some of my own professional and personal journeys…he is doing it again this year - http://www.denverovertheedge.com/shane_feiman/.
A few months later I met a woman, Courtney Mizel - who had survived breast cancer and had done the event in 2010 after surviving cancer. She is a bright, passionate and spunky woman who reminded me a lot of myself and I instantly took a liking to her! During the first year of the event she was in cancer treatment, chemo, radiation and the rest of it and had a good friend of hers rappel in honor of her and the second year, last year, she did it with him together as a survivor! I was touched! She is doing it again this year - we are doing it together... http://www.denverovertheedge.com/Courtney_Mizel/!
A while later, both Shane and Courtney had told me I needed to meet a man named Gary that we would really hit it off. When I met with him, I realized that he was the guy who had rappelled in honor of Courtney the year in 2009 and with her in 2010. This year he is doing it again and http://www.denverovertheedge.com/gary_reece/ together with all of us. Gary is the President of the Cancer League, and his wife was the President before him. The Colorado Cancer League is a fully volunteer organization.
I feel so grateful to be able to participate in such an exciting adventure with people who have such depth of spirit, passion, purpose and compassion and live their lives to the fullest with respect for others and honoring themselves in each and every moment. I feel lucky and humbled to join them this year!
In addition to doing it because I was inspired by others, I decided to do it as a symbol and reminder to myself of all the fears, challenges – personal and professional, physical and mental –and obstacles that I have overcome in my journey. In my 20’s I over came many health scares – including early stage melanoma and cervical cancer – among other things.
For a period of time my health challenges got the best of my mental state of being. Until one day I woke up and realized that it was all in my attitude. I was feeling defeated and wondered if I really wanted to be living or not. It took me a while to choose in. But when I realized I did want to be here, I chose in – fully, wholly, completely! I decided to move forward in my life and take each breath deeply, each step passionately and appreciate each moment fully! I chose in fully to life.
Doing this rappel reminds me of all of the fears and obstacles I have overcome in the past few years and in my life as well in my move to California to go after my dreams and life purpose. I am dedicated to living with courage, not cowering in front of my fears, but rather standing up to them and overcoming them. This rappel represents what I have overcome with my health, in my life and with my most recent challenges tied to starting my company OneGiving and living a life of purpose, passion and authenticity. I know that whatever comes of it all, I will be ok, no matter what…because I have my positive attitude and an outlook on life that finds the opportunity in even the hardest challenges. I hope that others too may know that they can really do anything they put their minds too…it is just about standing up to our fears and the unknown, believing and having the courage to keep going forward!
Probably most of all, I am reminded by moments like these how it really does take a village! I am soo grateful for all the friends, loved ones and even new people in my life, who have stepped up to support me in my endeavor – with words of love, encouragement, donations and more! At a moment in my life, that I needed just another little umph or push of support – I received it in abundance. I am grateful for the angels who have showed up throughout my life at just the right moments! I would never be where I am or whom I am without those words of encouragement!
Thank you to all of you who sent donations large and small…and words of support and encouragement even if you couldn’t donate. It didn’t matter if I received just a note or a $1 donation – every little bit counts! Thank you for reminding me of the wisdom and truth of our OneGiving tag line – The Power of ONE has the Strength of Many! Remember that the next time you doubt for a minute that you are all alone…just reach out, look around and take time to support and cultivate your Village!
Many thanks to…Trish, Goodspeed & Merrill, Myrna, Ben, Ivana & Jon, Scott, Kim, Mariah, Debbie & Dave, Susan, Maryna, Tina, Cynthia, Francine, Faradee, Martin, Mark, Patrick, Melanie, Drew & Zach, Deb, John & Ashlee, Arthur, Jodi, Farzad & Parandis, Jack & The Jaffe Family Foundation, Terry, Phyllis, Leslie, Jennifer, Elisabeth & Jeff, Shane, Courtney, Gary, Kay, Sandi, George, Carrie, Naina, Ryan, Reshma, Francoise, George, Elizabeth, Baeth, Kerry…and so many more of you!
If anyone still wants to donate…you are more than welcome to go to: http://www.denverovertheedge.com/Pilar_Stella/! Let it inspire you and represent your commitment to fighting cancer and/or overcoming all of your fears and obstacles and living life to the fullest!
In peace, love and gratitude ;) p
I was inspired to do so for many reasons. First, in the last year, I have met a couple of people through my efforts to find investors for my company OneGiving (http://www.onegiving.com/) who had done the rappel in 2009 and 2010. When I heard about it in 2010, just a few weeks after the event, I thought to myself, I want to do that. One of the individuals I met who did it is a man named Shane Feiman who told me of his story of the rappel and how he did it together with his wife Amy. He is inspiring and has become an amazing friend and advocate in some of my own professional and personal journeys…he is doing it again this year - http://www.denverovertheedge.com/shane_feiman/.
A few months later I met a woman, Courtney Mizel - who had survived breast cancer and had done the event in 2010 after surviving cancer. She is a bright, passionate and spunky woman who reminded me a lot of myself and I instantly took a liking to her! During the first year of the event she was in cancer treatment, chemo, radiation and the rest of it and had a good friend of hers rappel in honor of her and the second year, last year, she did it with him together as a survivor! I was touched! She is doing it again this year - we are doing it together... http://www.denverovertheedge.com/Courtney_Mizel/!
A while later, both Shane and Courtney had told me I needed to meet a man named Gary that we would really hit it off. When I met with him, I realized that he was the guy who had rappelled in honor of Courtney the year in 2009 and with her in 2010. This year he is doing it again and http://www.denverovertheedge.com/gary_reece/ together with all of us. Gary is the President of the Cancer League, and his wife was the President before him. The Colorado Cancer League is a fully volunteer organization.
I feel so grateful to be able to participate in such an exciting adventure with people who have such depth of spirit, passion, purpose and compassion and live their lives to the fullest with respect for others and honoring themselves in each and every moment. I feel lucky and humbled to join them this year!
In addition to doing it because I was inspired by others, I decided to do it as a symbol and reminder to myself of all the fears, challenges – personal and professional, physical and mental –and obstacles that I have overcome in my journey. In my 20’s I over came many health scares – including early stage melanoma and cervical cancer – among other things.
For a period of time my health challenges got the best of my mental state of being. Until one day I woke up and realized that it was all in my attitude. I was feeling defeated and wondered if I really wanted to be living or not. It took me a while to choose in. But when I realized I did want to be here, I chose in – fully, wholly, completely! I decided to move forward in my life and take each breath deeply, each step passionately and appreciate each moment fully! I chose in fully to life.
Doing this rappel reminds me of all of the fears and obstacles I have overcome in the past few years and in my life as well in my move to California to go after my dreams and life purpose. I am dedicated to living with courage, not cowering in front of my fears, but rather standing up to them and overcoming them. This rappel represents what I have overcome with my health, in my life and with my most recent challenges tied to starting my company OneGiving and living a life of purpose, passion and authenticity. I know that whatever comes of it all, I will be ok, no matter what…because I have my positive attitude and an outlook on life that finds the opportunity in even the hardest challenges. I hope that others too may know that they can really do anything they put their minds too…it is just about standing up to our fears and the unknown, believing and having the courage to keep going forward!
Probably most of all, I am reminded by moments like these how it really does take a village! I am soo grateful for all the friends, loved ones and even new people in my life, who have stepped up to support me in my endeavor – with words of love, encouragement, donations and more! At a moment in my life, that I needed just another little umph or push of support – I received it in abundance. I am grateful for the angels who have showed up throughout my life at just the right moments! I would never be where I am or whom I am without those words of encouragement!
Thank you to all of you who sent donations large and small…and words of support and encouragement even if you couldn’t donate. It didn’t matter if I received just a note or a $1 donation – every little bit counts! Thank you for reminding me of the wisdom and truth of our OneGiving tag line – The Power of ONE has the Strength of Many! Remember that the next time you doubt for a minute that you are all alone…just reach out, look around and take time to support and cultivate your Village!
Many thanks to…Trish, Goodspeed & Merrill, Myrna, Ben, Ivana & Jon, Scott, Kim, Mariah, Debbie & Dave, Susan, Maryna, Tina, Cynthia, Francine, Faradee, Martin, Mark, Patrick, Melanie, Drew & Zach, Deb, John & Ashlee, Arthur, Jodi, Farzad & Parandis, Jack & The Jaffe Family Foundation, Terry, Phyllis, Leslie, Jennifer, Elisabeth & Jeff, Shane, Courtney, Gary, Kay, Sandi, George, Carrie, Naina, Ryan, Reshma, Francoise, George, Elizabeth, Baeth, Kerry…and so many more of you!
If anyone still wants to donate…you are more than welcome to go to: http://www.denverovertheedge.com/Pilar_Stella/! Let it inspire you and represent your commitment to fighting cancer and/or overcoming all of your fears and obstacles and living life to the fullest!
In peace, love and gratitude ;) p
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